So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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