Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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