I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
