I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
