Dude my mom stole all your condoms
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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