We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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