Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
