Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
