I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
