blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Randomize
