The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I just gift wrapped bread.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
