youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
