As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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