It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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