i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
and she was petting her beer can
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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