We named our party play list daddy issues
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
