u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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