Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
