I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
