I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
