I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
