I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
YAS. BRING CRAB.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Randomize
