Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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