I just saw a hot homeless man
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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