just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Couch. On fire.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
