she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
