My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
