Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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