dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
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