I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
