I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
