Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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