My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Randomize
