if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
The struggles of a small town man whore
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Randomize
