I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
