i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
