Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
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