I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Never joke about your clitoris.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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