Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
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