I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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