Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
