oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Are we still banned from the library?
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
