is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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