Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
