it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
