Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
