just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Randomize
