Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
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