Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
