My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
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