The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
