My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
