If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Randomize
