she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I accidentally burped into my bong.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Randomize
