My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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