I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
