I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
