Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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