..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
